The Pea Coat
by Proverbial Pumpkin
Summary: K takes issue with Tohma's wardrobe. K/Tohma, PWP.


**Title**: The Pea Coat

**Author**: Proverbial Pumpkin

**Rating**: PG-13 for the usual language

**Disclaimer**: Not mine.

**Summary**: K takes issue with Tohma's wardrobe. K/Tohma, PWP.

* * *

Tohma had the most infuriating fashion sense. Normally something like that wouldn't bother me- I don't generally pay much attention to what people wear, and anyway to each his own. But in Tohma's case, it was different, because I knew he had the potential to look _so_ _good_. And yet you name it, and Tohma's worn a tri-colored, slightly more effeminate version of it. Perhaps with or without fur cuffs. It got to the point where I looked forward to concerts and pubic appearances because I knew he'd be forced into something bordering on fashionable by regular-people standards.

I'm not saying he couldn't pull off just about anything. I'm saying it'd be better if he had sense enough to keep it from being an issue. So one November morning when I saw him pull out literally the worst outfit to date, I had to call him on it.

"Tohma, for the love of God."

He was brushing off a dark red pseudo-blazer over a hanger. "You're going to have to give me more than that."

"Tohma, for the love of God, _why do you wear those things_?" It was dark red with a mauve collar and hems. Single-breasted, light material. It looked like he was going to work in expensive pajamas, in mauve-highlighted pajamas. "You might as well just wear what you're wearing now, and make it easier for everyone."

He looked down at himself. We'd both just gotten out of bed. "Some day I'm going to calculate how much of my life is wasted listening to that sort of comment from you," he said, with a look that put me about on par with road kill. Then he brushed at his suit one more time before walking towards the bathroom. "You'll probably be jobless when I do."

I couldn't help appreciating him from behind as he left, but shot the offending outfit an angry glance once he was gone. It really put some of his other atrocities to shame, but it was more than that. It was months of watching a sexy, soft Tohma emerge from the shower with flushed skin, watching Tohma towel off the water droplets clinging to the ends of his hair… before stepping into a horrid teal waistcoat, or dual-toned vest, or again, the pajama suits. It was only a matter of color or style that made it ugly as sin. It was a hard call to make with this red thing. All I knew was, I wasn't looking forward to watching Tohma go from fuckable shower mode to…. that.

Suddenly, it occurred to me that I shouldn't have to.

From the bathroom, the shower turned on.

I paused to listen to reason, and to my conscience, and when they had nothing to say I pulled the suit off the hanger. Then I noticed his closet door was open, and that schizophrenic dark and lime green suit was sticking out. And there was that black thigh-length jacket with the puffs.

Well, there it is. I couldn't make him wear tasteful clothes he maybe didn't even own, but as far as it concerned these monstrosities, it was time someone took a stand.

So I hid them. All of them, and others, below his piano lid downstairs. He'd kill me doubly dead if he found them there, but it was the most unreasonable place I could come up with on short notice. And there's no sense thinking 'what an asshole boyfriend,' either, because this was hardly the first time I'd intentionally sabotaged Tohma. Once I cut an inconspicuous, hair-line split on the bottom rim of his contact solution so it'd leak and he'd be forced to use his glasses for a couple of days. And I've been known to sneak into the hallway in the middle of night to turn on the air conditioning, in the hopes that Tohma would then need something to cozy up to. Maybe three-fourths of the time this doesn't work, but that means a quarter of the time it does. Point is, anyone who thinks I'm above this sort of thing has grossly over-estimated pretty much everything I stand for.

I was in the kitchen by the time he got out, and he appeared in the doorway wearing slacks and an undershirt, with the clothes hanger in his hand. I'd heard him coming, and I looked up from my grapefruit expectantly. "Yes?"

He didn't answer immediately. He lifted his hand briefly in a gesture of incredulity, and let it fall back to his side. "K-san…" And he shook his head, still looking at me like there was no way I was possibly worth the trouble. "Please explain yourself."

"You're going to have to give me more than that."

"Please explain why some of my clothes are gone, and where they are."

"Ah. Well," I said, taking a jab at my grapefruit, "they're gone because I was tired of looking at them. I feel like telling you where they are would defeat the purpose. Not like I stole it all." Some juice squirted out and I cursed. "You should put something else on." The jerk looked cold in just a thin shirt, and it was making me feel guilty. There was frost outside the windows.

He squinted at my handling of breakfast, as I pulverized the flesh trying to remove it from the skin. "K-san, I have too much to do today to have this discussion. There was a suit hanging out I was going to wear to work," he said.

I cringed at the thought of it, red and beastly on its hanger. Jab. "Tohma, I'm all too aware. Just pick something else. Like it'd kill you to wear a plain polo once in a while."

His insulted, scandalized expression told me it literally might, but apparently it was too early in the day for him to argue with me over my nonsense, and he turned back down the hall. "Here," I called after him, swiping up a jacket of mine that had been wadded up and left on the table. I tossed it to him. "Don't think I'm giving them back just because you walk around cold and pathetic all morning."

He shot me a look, but pulled the jacket on and headed back towards his room, presumably to consult his raided closet. I couldn't help smiling as he went. I was pretty satisfied to have escaped a tongue-lashing, and maybe successfully rid the world of _those kinds_ of Tohma's suits for a day. The grapefruit didn't seem as obnoxious after that.

* * *

We ran into each other about the house a few more times getting ready, with Tohma looking pointedly perplexed and irritated by my existence every time. Perfectly fine with me, I thought as I waited in the passenger seat of his Eclipse. I just wanted to see what exciting new _normal_ clothes had been sitting neglected in the back of his closet for the past three years. I wished he'd hurry up though, as I wiped off the inside moisture from my window and looked at the closed front door. It was getting cold, and I hadn't thought to swipe his keys and start the heat.

As if on cue, the door opened and Tohma emerged, fiddling with his briefcase and checking the door behind him. I smiled and forgot the temperature.

He still had on his black slacks from earlier, but over the waist fell the hem of a grey pea coat, speckled darker and tailored to his thin frame. The sleeves reached his gloved palms smartly as he checked the time on his cell phone and slipped it into his pocket. And he wore a scarf. An accessory I'd never seen Tohma wear, but damn if he didn't have the pea look down. The scarf was long, wrapped around his neck and one end hanging behind his shoulder, jostling limply against his coat as he walked. The other tail covered the left row of buttons in the front. They matched, his scarf and gloves. Off-white.

I was out of my seat by the time he'd made it half-way around the car. "Hold it, Tohma. I'll drive." I let the door fall shut behind me.

"What?" He had his keys out. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. But come on, let's go. My car," I said as I circled around and tried to maneuver him towards my decidedly less impressive Honda.

"Wait, K-san," he said, brushing me off. "Your parking spot is further away, and it's cold."

"It's not _that_ cold," I said. It was late November. "And my spot isn't so far away." It was pretty fucking far. Tohma cocked his head at me. He'd forgone that hat for once, and I could see the tips of his ears in the cold. I was definitely looking forward to the walk. "Tell you what. We take my car, and as soon as we get home I tell you where I put your- well. I give you your clothes back without telling you where I put them."

I beamed at him. He checked his phone again, rolled his eyes, and got in my car.

It was evident that Tohma began to regret his decision when he realized I was looking at him more than I was the road, but I don't know what he'd expected. He'd kept his gloves and scarf on, and I'd never been fonder of late autumn weather.

"That looks good on you."

He snorted. "You stole most of the rest of my coats."

"Is it enough? You still look cold."

"The heat in your car is incredibly weak."

The number of immature replies I could have given and only been half-kidding. I bit my tongue and turned the dial to the far right. We reached the studio after a while, Tohma looking wistfully at his parking spot as we passed it on the way to mine. I'd been frustrated when I got demoted to the ninth row, but when Tohma told me he was appeasing some underpaid employees by giving them the best spots, I assumed, or at least hoped, that some of that underpaidness was feeding into my salary, and let it go. And it certainly didn't seem like a bad deal now. I zipped around the front of the car and opened Tohma's door for him while he was still unbuckling. He gave me a look similar to the ones I'd been getting all morning. "K-san, is something going on today?"

"Nope. Here, let me get that for you."

He yanked his briefcase out of my reach and I had to content myself with snaking an arm around his waist as we walked, which was apparently also not okay. "What are you thinking, you idiot? We're at work."

It was a fair concern, because this was a big company and a voyeuristic industry. But I wasn't worried- the lot was on the side of the building. "It's still dark," I said, leaning down to land a kiss on his ear. I liked to think that when he shivered, it wasn't because it was forty degrees outside. "You really think this early, someone's in the stairwell window keeping an eye on the parking lot?"

I'd just convinced myself I saw a trace of a smile when ahead of us at the NG building, we heard the side door slam shut. Both our heads snapped up, and I groaned.

"SNUGGLE BUNNIES!"

God. It was Ryuichi, barreling towards us in sneakers and a yellow t-shirt. Tohma had just hurriedly disengaged himself from my arm when Ryuichi was upon him, arms fully embracing Tohma and face burrowed in his scarf. "Tohma- kuuuu-"

"Sakuma-san, why aren't you wearing a jacket? Get back inside!" Whatever Ryuichi said in response was muffled by his attempts to "snuggle" with Tohma, and it wasn't until I forcedly removed him from the president- perhaps a bit more roughly than should have been strictly necessary- that we could understand a word.

"-and I got here too early but I wanted to sleep in your car or in your office or under your desk until Noriko-chan-"

"Alright, come on," Tohma interrupted him, shrugging out of his pea coat. "K-san, take this." And he pawned his briefcase off on me before settling the coat around the Ryuichi, who was still chattering about nothing. I could appreciate Tohma's concern for Ryuichi, his oldest friend, but I didn't have to like it. Here was this outfit, which I'd worked so hard to discover and see modeled on Tohma, now hanging off Ryuichi's shoulders. As always, there wasn't a damn thing I could do. The brat was untouchable. So now it was me probably looking a little pissed, Tohma in a long-sleeve dress shirt and scarf, and an adorable, oblivious, intrusive vocalist.

When we reached the building Tohma held the door open for Ryuichi, and I held it behind Tohma as he walked through next. I balled my hands in my pockets as Tohma tended to his prodigy in the hallway. "Now, do _not_- Sakuma-san, are you listening? Don't go back outside unless you have enough clothes on. Get your things, and you can come up later and stay in my office until Noriko-san gets here."

Tohma watched the vocalist bound off for a moment, and his expression went from amused to annoyed when he saw mine. "What?"

"I thought you said you had a lot of work to do today."

"I do."

"And it's going to get done with him running around your office?"

"Oh come _on_, K-san. Why does he bother you?"

"He kept your coat."

"It's probably a good thing. I doubt he even brought one of his own."

I shouldered past him towards the elevators. "Right."

He followed me, pulling off his gloves and un-draping his scarf from around his neck. Inside the elevator, he slapped away my hand when I started to press Bad Luck's floor. "What?" I demanded as he pressed the top floor, his.

He turned and leaned his back against the buttons, crossing his arms and looking up at me. "You're not coming up?" he said, sticking the gloves in his back pocket.

Out of the cold, the pink on his ears was starting to return back to normal. "I'm sure you'll have your hands busy with the senseless wonder," I answered coolly.

"Maybe," he said, reaching up to loop the scarf around the back of my neck. And he gave it the tiniest of tugs as the doors opened up to his office behind him. "But I'm sure he'll be at least a few minutes."

THE END.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Well, that was fun and harmless and totally without plot or drive. Way too many words about absolutely nothing, yaaaay.

So it's been… *counts* seventy, eighty years? I've gotten a bunch of requests from people who read some of my higher-rated/sex-driven fics and who want something else a little more…. ahem, intense, but obviously this isn't it. I'm also bouncing around a more serious fic that might give K something to be legitimately jealous of, but we'll see.


End file.
